


Dark On Me

by catrasredemption (dimensionhoppingrose)



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Angst, But none of it really happens, Character Death, Episode: s05e13 Heart Part 2, F/F, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Minor appearances from other princesses, Missing Scene, Suicidal thoughts and idealations, a what-if scenario, minor glimbow
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-28
Updated: 2020-12-28
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:28:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,285
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28373901
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dimensionhoppingrose/pseuds/catrasredemption
Summary: “It’s selfish to think that no one will miss us when we’re gone.” Adora frowned. That didn’t make sense. How was it selfish?The question must have shown on her face. “It’s something we tell ourselves sowefeel okay with the choices we make,” Mara explained. “But it’s not the truth.”Another angle of the forest came into view, this time of Razz setting two pies on two memorials — one with Mara’s name, the other with Adora’s. “They never stop grieving.” Another switch, this time Catra, sitting on the edge of a cliff, watching the sunset, and crying. “They never stop hurting.” Another switch to Bow and Glimmer, sitting in Glimmer’s room, eating cake and quietly exchanging stories. “They never stop missing you.”-OR-Adora sees what life will be like if she doesn't leave the Heart of Etheria alive. It's not a hopeful future.
Relationships: Adora/Catra (She-Ra)
Comments: 21
Kudos: 299





	Dark On Me

_“A beautiful wish. But there will be no future. Not for you_.”

Adora’s eyes snapped open; she gasped, looking around. She was in Bright Moon gardens. How had she—?

“Catra, will you stop being so stubborn?”

She whirled. Catra was storming off somewhere, Glimmer following. “I thought you wanted to be part of this?” The queen finally managed to grab Catra’s arm, only to have it immediately ripped away as Catra turned on her heel to glare at her. Adora could see tears in her eyes. She stepped forward without thinking, reaching to rest a hand on Catra’s shoulder…

And shrieked when her hand went right through. She stumbled back, tripping and falling. Catra didn’t even twitch. “I’m so sick of — all anyone cares about is _She-Ra_!”

“That’s not true, and you know it!” Glimmer snapped back. “You’re not the only one who loved Adora, you know.”

“But no one wants to remember _Adora_ ,” Catra sneered. “They want to remember the _hero_ , not the person who was sacrificed to _make_ the hero. No one is going to remember Adora’s name. It’s always going to be _She-Ra_.”

Glimmer’s shoulders fell. She swallowed hard, fighting back tears as well. “ _We’ll_ remember.”

“And when we’re gone? What then?” Glimmer didn’t have an answer. Catra shook her head, turning away. “I knew this was a bad idea.”

“What…” Glimmer’s question died as Catra walked away. “Where are you going?”

“I don’t know. _Anywhere_.”

“You promised you’d stay.”

The small, trembling voice stopped Catra for a moment. Her jaw was clenched tight, tears spilling down her cheeks, but her tone was steady as she responded. “I’ve been breaking promises my entire life. What’s one more?”

The scene faded, leaving Adora suspended in a bubble of darkness. She pushed herself up, heart pounding, head swimming with confusion. What was that?

“Do you really think they can be happy without you?”

She jumped, turning to see Mara standing behind her, watching her sadly. “What…?”

“Your friends love you, Adora. Sacrificing yourself might keep them _safe_ , but it won’t make them _happy_.”

She gestured as another scene began to form around them. The war room. All the princesses were there, sitting in a very subdued atmosphere. “How’s rebuilding going?” Glimmer finally asked, looking around. Adora stepped closer, as if to reach out, to interact with someone, to _be there_. But she was a ghost.

“Good.” Scorpia was the first to answer. “We’ve been cleaning out the old palace, trying to get it fit for, you know, living in.”

“Salineas is all right,” Mermista picked up. “Still trying to figure out what to do with the Sea Gate. It’s pretty wrecked. Still functioning, but a strong wave could probably take it out right now.”

“There has to be a way to fix it,” Glimmer said with a small frown. “I’ll ask Bow’s dads to look into it, there might be something…”

“Probably not,” Entrapta said, looking up from her tracker pad. “She-Ra’s the only one who’s ever been able to fix Runestones. I doubt there’s any history about it.”

Silence fell. Everyone looked at the table, expressions varying from stone-like to near tears. “Has anyone seen Catra lately?” Glimmer finally asked, eyes sweeping around the room. She was met with a round of head shakes.

“The Horde base further north was gutted and taken down last week,” Frosta said. “No one actually saw her do it, but who else has the time?”

“The outpost near Salineas was trashed too,” Mermista added. “Definitely saw some claw marks, but no Catra.”

“I’m sure she’ll come back,” Scorpia said. Glimmer shook her head.

“I don’t think she will.”

The room faded away, replaced by another scene — the Whispering Woods, bathed in moonlight. Catra was resting with her head on Melog under a nearby tree. Melog mewled sadly, nudging Catra’s head.

“There’s no place for me there, okay?” Catra scrubbed her eyes furiously. “There’s nothing anywhere for me without…”

Her voice drifted off. She swallowed hard, closing her eyes. “What if we just stowed away on the first ship that goes off planet? There has to be a plan for that some time in the future. We could get to a new planet, start over where no one knows who we are…”

Melog grumbled. “Of course I wouldn’t be _happy_ with it. But I’m not happy _here_ , either. At least I could get a chance to restart my life on another planet instead of being the former force captain who almost destroyed Etheria.”

Melog twisted to nudge her with their head. “I don’t belong here. Not without her.”

The scene faded, leaving Adora suspended in the darkness again. She turned to see Mara standing beside her. “When I died, the only person I left behind was Razz,” she said softly. “I tried to protect her. I thought she’d be okay. But she never stopped missing me, did she?”

“I don’t think so,” Adora said. “She’s not always…”

“Coherent?” Mara supplied the word with a small smile.

“Yeah.” Adora laughed. “But she always seemed sad when she talked about you.”

Mara nodded slowly. “It’s selfish to think that no one will miss us when we’re gone.” Adora frowned. That didn’t make sense. How was it selfish?

The question must have shown on her face. “It’s something we tell ourselves so _we_ feel okay with the choices we make,” Mara explained. “But it’s not the truth.”

Another angle of the forest came into view, this time of Razz setting two pies on two memorials — one with Mara’s name, the other with Adora’s. “They never stop grieving.” Another switch, this time Catra, sitting on the edge of a cliff, watching the sunset, and crying. “They never stop hurting.” Another switch to Bow and Glimmer, sitting in Glimmer’s room, eating cake and quietly exchanging stories. “They never stop missing you.”

Tears filled Adora’s eyes. Maybe Mara was right. Maybe it was just selfish, wishful thinking — something she had to tell herself to feel better about everything she had done. She had already given so much of herself to Etheria. It was impossible to tell where true heroics started and choices made to justify choices began.

“Then what am I supposed to do? If I can’t stop Prime, then we’re all dead anyway.”

“Some of them might prefer that.”

A new scene faded into view. A hut. Plumeria. Adora looked around, eyes landing on Catra and Perfuma in the corner. Perfuma is attempting to patch up some injuries for her less than stellar patient. There were new, fresh scars up and down Catra’s upper torso.

“You should go back to Bright Moon,” Perfuma said quietly. “Glimmer and Bow are worried about you.”

“Did you tell them…”

“That you’ve been staying here? No.”

Catra nodded, staring at a wall. Adora shifted slightly to get a look at Catra’s other side, and gasped; it looked like something had tried to claw her open. And it looked like it had almost succeeded.

“Wouldn’t you be happier in Bright Moon?”

“Of course not,” Catra said with a snort. “I wouldn’t be _happier_ anywhere.”

Perfuma sighed, finishing the bandages and handing Catra her shirt. Catra pulled it on, wincing. “Adora wouldn’t want—”

“Who fucking cares what Adora _would_ want?” Catra snapped. “Adora’s _dead_. She’s gone, she’s not coming back, it doesn’t _matter_.”

“And that makes it okay? That makes _this_ —” Perfuma waved her hand at Catra’s now covered form, “okay? You still have people who care about you, Catra.”

“That’s their problem,” Catra grunted, pushing herself up, holding her side. “Not mine. I never asked anyone to care about me.”

“You don’t have to ask,” Perfuma said gently. “It just happens.”

Catra held her side loosely, staring out a window. “It doesn’t matter. There’s nothing left for me.”

Melog appeared out of nowhere, nudging her side and making her wince. “You would be fine without me.”

“Would they?” Perfuma asked. “You’re bonded with them, aren’t you? How would they feel if you were gone?”

“They’d live,” Catra muttered without looking at Melog or Perfuma. “That’s more than I want to do.”

The scene faded away. Adora’s stomach flipped; she stared at the ground, tears filling her eyes. “Catra wouldn’t,” she whispered.

“Wouldn’t she?” Mara asked. “She’s already tried to kill herself once. It was a little more noble that time, but…”

Adora covered her mouth, trying to choke down a sob. Catra had always been a little suicidal. It was something Adora had acknowledged only recently, to herself, as Catra nestled into her side, hair shorter, expression softer, anger gone. A part of Catra had been straddling that line between life and death for as long as she could remember. It was obvious in the way she acted out, the way she talked back to Shadow Weaver as if daring her to try something, the way she had stood a little _too_ precariously on the edges of the forge roof, or balanced on the railings. The way she had pulled the portal lever without a second thought, knowing it would destroy everything — including her. How had Adora not noticed for _so_ long?

“She wouldn’t,” Adora protested again, voice weak. Another scene swam into view — Glimmer and Bow, sitting in the war room, going over some paperwork. Melog appeared in the door, alone, their mane a dull grey. They made a soft, mournful noise, attracting Glimmer’s and Bow’s attention.

“Melog?” Bow’s voice was cautious, like he wasn’t ready to give up hope quite yet. But Glimmer saw the truth for what it was. Tears filled her eyes, her head silently moving, lips mouthing _no no no_.

Bow held out his hand. Melog stepped closer, letting Bow pet them. “Is she…?” The words shook as Bow spoke. Melog made another noise — a sound filled with a deep, shattering sadness that ripped the air from Adora’s lungs. Glimmer lowered her head, crying quietly. Bow reached for her with his free hand, pulling her into a tight hug as tears slipped silently down his own face.

Adora shook her head furiously, as if trying to physically shake away the vision before her. “This… This isn’t _real_.”

“You don’t know that,” Mara pointed out. “You don’t know what’s going to happen if you die. That’s the problem, isn’t it?”

“I…” Adora took several shallow breaths, trembling. “She wouldn’t. She _can’t_.”

“But you can’t say they’d be fine, can you?” No. She couldn’t. Not with any certainty. She had never been able to say that, though. It was just what she wanted to believe. “You have so many people who love you, Adora,” Mara continued when it became obvious Adora wouldn’t answer. “You have so much life left to live for yourself, _as_ yourself. Don’t give it up yet.”

“Then what am I supposed to do?” Adora’s voice broke. “If dying to save everyone isn’t right, then what is?”

“I don’t know,” Mara admitted. They were back in the darkness; she was beginning to disappear as well. “Be selfish. See what happens.”

And she was gone, leaving Adora suspended in the void, tears escaping her eyes as she squeezed them shut.

“Adora!”

A jolt ran through her as she forced her eyes open again, finding Catra above her, reaching out from a door of light. Reaching for her.

 _Be selfish_.

* * *

It was much, much later when Adora finally escaped the throng of excited people who had gathered in the newly reclaimed castle. She stepped out to a nearby balcony, taking a deep breath, eyes fixed on the stars. They had done it. _She_ had done it.

“Hey.”

Catra jumped up on the bannister, balancing on the balls of her feet and grinning. “Standing out alone and brooding is _my_ thing. You’re not going to start butting in my territory, are you?”

Adora looked at her, breath catching in her throat. Catra tilted her head, eyebrows furrowed. “What—?”

Adora grabbed her wrist without thinking, letting out a shaking breath. “Get down,” she said quietly. “Please.”

“Okay…?” Catra managed to jump down without breaking contact. “Are you all right?”

“I need you to promise not to die.”

Adora was aware that was hypocritical, and Catra confirmed that with a snort. “Sorry, which of us has the most recent near-death experience?” Her tone is torn between confusion and exasperation. “You’re not exactly one to talk—”

“I know!” Catra snapped her mouth shut at the outburst. “I know I’m not, just… just promise. Please.”

A long silence followed. Adora ducked her head to avoid Catra’s bewildered gaze. “Okay,” she finally said. “I promise. I won’t die.”

The words loosened the knot in Adora’s chest. She gathered Catra in her arms, hugging her tight. If Catra was still confused, she didn’t show it — she simply held Adora, fingers brushing through her hair.

Adora didn’t tell her about what she had seen. Not that night. Maybe someday she would — someday in a future that would hopefully involve dressing up and Glimmer chasing Catra with a brush and dancing the night away at Scorpia’s ball. A future that would hopefully have them _together_.

But tonight she simply held Catra until she calmed down the best she could to call Catra on her bluff. “You can’t promise that.”

“Watch me.” Adora could hear the cocky little smile in Catra’s voice. “I’ve got nine lives.”

Adora laughed, pressing her face into Catra’s neck and hugging her a little tighter. Catra kissed her temple, relaxing in her grip. “It’s okay,” she assured Adora quietly. “Everything’s okay.”

And for once, it was true. It might not last for long, but tonight? Tonight, everyone was alive, and the Rebellion had won, and Horde Prime was gone, and Adora and Catra were _together_.

Tonight, everything was okay.


End file.
